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Posts under ‘The Modern Condition’

Opportunity Calls

Like a lot of people, we have one of those home phones that announces the caller id when the phone rings.  Like a lot of people, we get robocalls. “CANCER! SOCK!” “POLICE! BENIFF!” “UNASSIGNED!” “ZERO!” and so on. Today the phone rang and it called out “AWARENESS!”.  I have to admit I thought really hard […]

And Get Off My Lawn!

Springtime, and I go to the store to get a new air filter and spark plug for the old lawnmower.  As I’m heading out to the shed, CVH asks what I’m doing. “I need to gap the new spark plug for the lawn mower,” I said. She says, “Well, I don’t know nothing about gapping […]

You’ve got to be kidding

Today I noticed that my dental floss has an expiration date stamped on the package.  I mean, really – if a Twinkie can last thirty years, why can’t my floss last two?

Vance Packard is alive and well

A while back, the paper towel people came up with a great idea: pick-a-size.  They started perforating their sheets at half size.  This, I felt, was a great boon to us paper towel users.  Almost always, unless the dog has made a mess on the floor, I only need half a sheet of paper towel.  […]

Home renovations – Part 6

The new toilet finally arrived.  The ladies are pleased. And a nice thing is that it’s “chair height” – that extra inch and three-quarters is surprisingly comfortable. Especially at our age. A big plumber showed up and took out the old commode.  He picked it up and said, “This is the heaviest one I have […]

Home Renovations – Part 5

I gave up looking for my screwdriver bits and just bought a set at our neighborhood Harbor Freight (our neighborhood has all the conveniences, if nothing else). Today I got a call from Lowe’s that my new commode had arrived and that I should speak with someone at the service desk about picking it up.  […]

Home renovations – Part 4

By now, “renovations” no longer seems to be the right word to use.  “Repair” is closer to the mark. We picked out our new toilet.  I was going to have a handyman buddy pick it up and install it with me (he works reasonable) until the Lowe’s salesman told me that they offer next day […]

Home renovations – Part 3

I am on Lowe’s watch list. Either they think I am becoming a great customer or I’m planning a major caper. Two days after the flooring people finally “finished” the installation (including knocking a huge hole in our entertainment cabinet – “I don’t know how that happened, sir”), I noticed water pooling in the bathroom […]

Home renovations – Part 2

The old sick cat died, and we decided now was a good time to get rid of the first floor carpet, along with its ten years of accumulated pet vomit, urine, and feces. We went down to a floor covering firm that has been in town for many years and picked out a new vinyl […]

At the shopping mall

So we’re walking around the mall, and I notice a number of these signs in the window of a store. “What’s a bogo?” I ask. “What?” “What’s a bogo?.  They have a sale on bogos there.” “No, that stands for ‘Buy one, get one’.  Buy one of something and you get one of something.” “Well, […]